From One Emily To Another

Today, I remembered myself, a fresher in 1995, devouring Plath and Fitzgerald and raging against conformity. I stumbled on that self in an elegant blog, penned 20 years later, by another teenage Emily.

Me at Dundee University in 1995
Me at Dundee University in 1995

What poetry in her prose. We read the same, and write the same, (except my diaries were scrawled by hand in the twentieth century, for my eyes only. This 19-year-old blogs in real time, for all the world to see).

Like hers, my journals whispered rawness, shrieked agony, isolation, anger, scorn, disgust.

Malady, My Lady stirs a memory, of what happened to my head when I first took Prozac. Like I was standing in a glass box. Life could look at me, but not touch.

I imagine a bolder twin in the mirror, fixing her demons with a steely eye. Calling them by name, banishing the shame.

I bet her metrics went through the roof when Alastair Campbell featured her on his blog. That’s where I found her, and I’ll keep going back. Because she gave me reason to believe, to hope, and her writing swept away the cloud that cloaked today.

Malady, My Lady reminds me of when my therapist asked: if I could go back and speak to the young girl I used to be, what would I say to her?

Don’t worry, everything is going to be alright. You are a good person. You will find pride, peace, and a place in the world.

Not all the time. Not nearly enough of the time. But enough to lift you sometimes. Enough to maybe help someone else – like she did, today, with me

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One thought on “From One Emily To Another

  1. Dear Emily
    So often I use my words to question the world, to forge the frustration I feel yet never can quite contain. You have provided me with an answer. I just want to thank you for your reply to my original post., Not only have you provided me with hope, but your words – they are beautiful and your blog is fascinating. It is rich and raw and human and to me that is what writing is all about. I have written a response I would like to put on my blog but might email you to see if you are happy with that first? I will give my email privately below and I am looking forward to hearing from you 🙂 Thank you again. Emily.

    Like

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